Friday, August 18, 2017

Sexless Marriage and Internet Porn

by Marriage Counseling Hope on June 1, 2012

When Tanya and Charles first called the chief issue was that they were almost never having sex. They had tried marriage counseling before and said that their therapist would not talk about sex; she told them that they needed to speak of other issues first. So they landed with me. It was clear from what both shared that Tanya had little or no sex drive and was angry and tired most of the time. She was a stay at home mom whom was raising two young children and refused to hire a live in nanny as that idea made her feel that she was not being a good mom. Charles was a very successful doctor, with long work schedules and would like nothing more than for Tanya to join him for weekends away etc. He would like a live in nanny.

He recalls that until the children were born they had a ‘lovely’ sex life and were together often. He stated that he was feeling rejected, slighted, hurt and confused by Tanya’s lack of interest in him and in sex. They were making great progress in marriage counseling as their communication was improving; they reported beginning to enjoy each other again and even had sex a few times. Then at about month #4 they called in angry. It seems that Tanya had found Charles in his studio one evening masturbating to a rather kinky pornographic web site. She felt betrayed, humiliated, hurt and hopeless about their marriage. Charles felt confused as he did not view this action as cheating as “after all he was not with anyone else”.

We started again. It was clear that neither person wanted a divorce .They loved each other and their family life, so they chose to deal with the Internet affair, and to see it as such. Understanding that using the Internet as a form of sexual or emotional connection or gratification is viewed by the left out partner as a betrayal. This is a new challenge in the world of marriage counseling. For Tanya and Charles it was particularly challenging as they were not having much sex.

Both Tanya and Charles were willing to learn how to re-connect with each other. They agreed to hire a part-time nanny. He made an agreement not to use pornographic websites unless Tanya was a part of it (this was her idea), and Tanya agreed to have sex twice a week or more with Charles. Charles would have liked sex daily so this truly was a compromise for both of them, but it was a beginning after a rollercoaster ride within their relationship.

All information is disguised in several ways for maximum confidentiality.  Submitted by Mara Fisher L.C.S.W. She can be found at  BridgeofLife.com

Miami, FL marriage counselor

Miami, FL Marriage Counselor

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: